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Buddy

19 May 2019 By Teresa 22 Comments

Things didn’t feel right. Hadn’t for weeks.

We’d just arrived at our spot for the summer – a small, no-frills RV park near the foot of the Great Smoky Mountains.

It took a couple of tries before we got the rig in a position where the slides would clear the water and power connections. Complicating the matter were a drop-off in the back of the space, and a weird little hill beside it.

Then, we couldn’t get level. In the process of trying, one of our jacks stopped working.

Brian is usually great at troubleshooting and fixing RV problems. This one eluded him. We feared we’d have to get the rig on a lift somewhere.

As the RV baked in the Tennessee sun, we sat inside sweating, Googling and calling for help. John Lee – our 10-year-old Greyhound – panted.

Poor Buddy

The weeks preceding our arrival in the Smokies were some of the most stressful for John Lee, or Buddy as we often call him.

The sounds and systems involved in moving a big rig like ours are scary as hell if you don’t understand what’s going on. I’m not really sure there is any way to convey to a dog that everything’s going to be OK. We tried.

Day after day as we traveled from Georgia to South Dakota and then back east to Tennessee, the anxiety-inducing routine repeated.

I felt awful for Buddy. But the trip was necessary to establish domicile in South Dakota.

Every day the walls closed in, jacks and airbags shifted the coach underneath him, a long, obnoxious warning beep sounded and our giant diesel engine rumbled.

Buddy wasn’t a fan of actually riding down the road, either, but it seemed like a walk in the park compared to preparing for travel.

John Lee in his riding spot on a travel day – up front, between me & Brian.

Fluoxetine (a.k.a. Prozac) helped his anxiety. As much as moving days still visibly stressed him, before Fluoxetine he was more anxious in more situations.

Brian walking John Lee near Mount Rushmore.

Our vet in Georgia gave us a few months’ worth of refills that saw us through until we made it to South Dakota. There, we visited a new vet for refills, vaccinations and a general checkup.

During the visit, I told the vet that John Lee’s appetite had been bad of late. I mentioned all of our travel days and wondered whether he was stressing over that or it was something more. Normally he’d finish every bit of kibble, then look around for more.

I had a gut feeling something was wrong, but I didn’t want it to be. The vet suggested it’d be smart to redo his bloodwork. We agreed.

Everything came back looking fairly normal. Brian and I were relieved, and hopeful John Lee would be back to his usual chowhound M.O. once we quit stressing him out with travel days.

In the interim, worry gnawed at me. John Lee ate less and less, and grew visibly thinner. The day after we arrived in Tennessee, we took him to the vet again.

This vet offered basic services. No high-tech scans or anything. Even though I wanted to throw whatever I could at whatever the problem was, it’s better on the dog and the budget to try the simpler treatments first.

So we did. The vet treated John Lee for GI distress. If he didn’t feel better pretty quickly she told us we’d need to go somewhere with imaging capabilities.

“At that point,” she said, “we will be looking for cancer.”

It wasn’t what we wanted to hear. But the vet only said what we were thinking. What was going on with Buddy reminded us of a road we’d traveled with Sara, our first Greyhound.

We’ve got to get out of this place

Alongside dealing with our sick boy, we grew increasingly uncomfortable with the RV park we’d chosen.

We came to the area because Brian wanted to add to our savings account with a workamping gig. However, the RV park we’d chosen was a half hour away without traffic.

This meant that Brian would be driving at least an hour per shift. It’s not a minimum wage job, but it’s not big bucks, either. I didn’t think it was worth the drive.

There were many long-term residents at the park. Honestly, though, that didn’t bother me as much as the…I don’t know…vibe of the place.

I’m pretty sure our kind of people weren’t there. Or if they were, they stayed inside with their doors shut.

One fifth wheel was adorned with multiple signs proclaiming its owners’ affinity for both Jesus and guns.

Way to be neighborly, guy.

I mean, fuck – we are libertarians and used to own a gun-related business. If we can manage to (mostly) avoid alienating people, anyone can do it.

Beyond Mr. Jesus Guns was someone flying a Confederate flag.

Next to us was a park model (essentially a mobile home) occupied by a lady with a barky Chihuahua that tried to attack John Lee. After the attempted assault, the woman scooped the dog up and smacked it with her purse.

Not. Our. Fucking. People.

Next door to the first RV park we stayed at in Tennessee – at the foot of the Smokies.

Surrounding the park was mostly just pretty scenery. I did like that part of it. But we’re a one-car household now.

Meaning, if I needed something from the grocery store, wanted to work outside the RV, or wanted to visit family in the area, I’d better plan ahead. Or, more likely, forget about it. It would be stupid to spend two hours driving Brian back and forth just so I could have the car.

We argued about it. Brian said if I didn’t like it I could find a place and we’d move. I planned to do that just as soon as I could make sure Buddy was OK.

Somehow, though, Brian began to see my point. Or he just wanted me to STFU.

We were all stressing out.

While I searched, called and compared parks from the RV, Brian drove through and videoed several.

In the midst of our search, the owner of the park we were trying to leave let Brian know she’d put us in the wrong spot.

She was apologetic, but said “regulars” had reserved the spot we were in. Within the next few days, we’d have to move over next to the Confederate flag guy.

If you’re going to move a big rig 100 yards, you might as well move it 100 miles. It’s not that much more trouble.

Movin’ on up

Thanks in part to friends from the RV Entrepreneur Summit group, we found an RV park we’d initially dismissed.

The place was half the drive to Brian’s job. Grocery stores, restaurants, a library and practically anything else we’d need would be within walking distance. A trolley service put even more within reasonable reach.

We planned to move on the first of the month to whatever park we picked, since we were paid up ’til then. But when we went to visit the park we decided we’d move to, Brian impulsively said “Fuck it. Let’s move Friday.”

It’s not a resort. It doesn’t have a pool. The spots aren’t the tightest we’ve seen, but they are…cozy. What it does have is good vibes.

And that’s something we desperately needed.

Everything changed

The B-12, anti-nausea, and antibiotic injections the vet gave John Lee seemed to help initially. He liked the prescription food she sent home with us. After another day or so, though, even that wasn’t enough to stir his appetite.

While Brian prepped and moved the RV, Buddy and I made the trip to the veterinary specialist in Knoxville.

I’ll just share the vet’s notes:

Abdominal Ultrasound: There is a large mass in the left cranial quadrant which is suspected to be left adrenal gland but could be a severely enlarged lymph node. There is significant mottling throughout the liver and spleen. There is abdominal effusion present.

Client communication: Discussed all the above findings with the owner. This is very likely a primary tumor that has metastasized to the liver/spleen; other possibility is a metastatic mass with primary liver or splenic neoplasia. The abdominal effusion is also typical for a neoplastic process. After discussing the diagnosis, owner requested to euthanize given his grave prognosis and current level of illness.

There’s a hole in my heart

Brian and I are grateful for the many ways life is good for us right now. I recognize that, at least on a head level.

We’re parked in a better location. When Brian was ready to move the RV, that damn jack came right up. We’ve been going out exploring on foot regularly. We have family nearby we’ve already hung out with, and our kids are within half a days’ drive.

However, so much about our lives changed when we lost Buddy.

I could always count on him being there. Brian and I would joke about how close up in our space John Lee liked to be (“He needs comforting”), but it was just as comforting for us to have him near.

Me, Brian & Buddy at Lake Guntersville, Alabama.

Yes, parts of living without a dog are more convenient or carefree. We don’t have to worry about leaving a dog for too long, whether moving days stress him out or whether he’s welcome where we want to go.

For those reasons, we don’t plan on getting another dog anytime soon.

Anyway, we want our boy. Not ‘a’ dog.

The morning after we let John Lee go, I stood staring at his stuff in the RV. His little ‘mancave’ and bed. His dishes. His blanket. Obviously, painfully, empty.

I washed everything and packed it up, hoping to donate it to a local Greyhound rescue group. I called last week to inquire about the donation, after I felt like I could discuss it calmly.

Ha. Nope. Basket case.

  • John Lee loved his buddy Brett, who ‘babysat’ while Brian and I attended the RV Entrepreneur Summit sessions.
  • With no teeth to hold his tongue in, this was a regular sight around our place.
  • Buddy in his ‘mancave.’ He spent about 22 hours a day napping.
  • Brian and John Lee, checking out Cloudland Canyon in Georgia.
  • At the vet’s, after they gave him a sedative. At last, the panting, anxiety and pain stopped. Not the way I wanted to comfort him, but Brian and I would do whatever it takes. I think Buddy knew that.

You might also like…

Read John Lee’s post, “Sometimes humans confuse me.”

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: dog, Greyhounds, Our Journey, RV life

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dick Carlson says

    19 May 2019 at 8:55 AM

    What a wonderful tribute to a lifelong friend. I’m sure he’s on the Bridge, looking down and you and waiting for you to join him. We’ve got one that’s getting ready to go, and it’s heartbreaking.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 10:04 AM

      Thanks, Dick. I’m sorry you’re dealing with similar heartbreak.

      Reply
  2. Debbie LaFleiche says

    19 May 2019 at 9:50 AM

    Oh, Teresa. Such a familiar story (as you know). It’s excruciating. I’m almost at 3 weeks since I lost Solstice and someone asking me how I’m doing can set me to crying. So glad other greyhounds will get to share John Lee’s stuff. I’m so glad I got to meet him and pet him and see the man cave. So sorry. Sending hugs.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 10:09 AM

      Hugs to you, too. Wish I could deliver ’em IRL.

      Reply
  3. Daniel Seedorf says

    19 May 2019 at 12:24 PM

    How heartbreaking this is. I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience but I’m glad that you were able to do what was best for John Lee to end his discomfort and suffering. I know that his life was the best it could be.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 3:30 PM

      Thanks, Daniel. I wish we’d been able to do more :/

      Reply
  4. Kelly says

    19 May 2019 at 12:36 PM

    I am sorry to hear about John Lee. Had a similar situation with my pup Jena several years ago. It is a difficult thing to go through. We love our pets like family and they give it right back. He had a wonderful life full of adventure this last year. Remember those times. I am glad I got to meet him. RIP John Lee ????

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 3:31 PM

      Thank you, Kelly. He was glad you got to meet him, too 🙂

      Reply
  5. April says

    19 May 2019 at 12:55 PM

    I’m so sorry guys. Virtual hugs and so much love to you. So happy we got to love on John Lee.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 3:33 PM

      Thanks, April. He appreciated all the love, I’m certain.

      Reply
  6. Ken says

    19 May 2019 at 1:10 PM

    Just want to say we love you guys and will miss Buddy next time we get to meet up.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 3:35 PM

      Yep. We love & appreciate you guys too.

      Reply
  7. Daniel Larsen says

    19 May 2019 at 1:24 PM

    This is heartbreaking. Never easy letting go of a family member like Buddy. I’m sorry y’all had to go through that, and Buddy too. I’m sure he appreciated everything you did for him.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 3:47 PM

      Thanks, Daniel. I feel like I fell short, but I think you’re right about Buddy appreciating everything. The smallest of things. Aren’t dogs the best?

      Reply
  8. Moh says

    19 May 2019 at 6:17 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Buddy was such an awesome dog and would take all the love he could get and returned that love. He will be missed the next time we see you.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 6:31 PM

      Thanks, Moh. You’re right on all counts.

      Hope it won’t be too long before we see you guys again.

      Reply
  9. Eva says

    19 May 2019 at 8:55 PM

    Ahh Teresa I’m so sorry to read this. How awful for u and Brian!! My heart goes out to u. Ur luv for ur pooch showed in all ur stories. They all sounded so wonderful and so full of luv for u both!! So so sorry for u and John lee ????????❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      19 May 2019 at 9:05 PM

      Thank you Eva. Brian and I really appreciate it. <3

      Reply
  10. Kelly says

    19 May 2019 at 9:19 PM

    Hey T. and Brian,

    I’m so sorry. We dog lovers put our heart on the line when we adopt our fur babies into our family. I’ve lost 2, Barney and Lucy, over the years. My kids said it was too soon when I started looking at a new family member 4 months later. Then Jack came home with us. He is the only dog I’VE chosen to be a part of our family. I can’t even imagine life without my sweet Jack being in our lives.

    I know your fur babies had you wrapped around your finger, lucky dogs! They had wonderful, loving parents who were loved. I was happy to have met your dogs on visits. Hugs and love to you both.

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      20 May 2019 at 10:07 AM

      Don’t forget Pepe <3

      Thanks for the hugs, love & kind words.

      Reply
  11. Laura says

    30 May 2019 at 10:00 PM

    You know so much of this is so familiar, and yet, after all of it, I have no magic solution. It still hurts. It will always hurt. They are such a huge part of our lives and when they go, it is just crushing. I know exactly how it feels to look at their stuff and just miss them so, so much.

    Other parts of this are familiar too. Thor is not a fan of moving days at all – the noise, the walls moving, the shaking. None of it. It is hard on them and they never signed up for it. But, we take comfort knowing that he loves exploring new places and what he really wants is to be with us. I am sure it was that way for Buddy too. How awesome for any dog to be able to spend all day every day with their pack.

    It’s also good you got out of that campground. There are definitely places that have bad vibes and they can really affect you. Especially when other things are going south, you need to be in a place where you’re comfortable. I’m glad you guys moved.

    Ugh. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom, but I don’t. Just know you gave him a great life and you took care of him and did everything you could to make him comfortable. Most important, he knew he was loved.

    (And I’m sorry this comment is so late after you published this article. I signed up to receive notifications for your blog on my reader, but I never get them. I just decided to check your blog and here it is…. )

    Please take care of yourselves….

    Reply
    • Teresa says

      31 May 2019 at 4:49 PM

      Laura, thanks so much for tracking the post down and leaving such kind words.

      I didn’t know Thor had issues with moving days. Poor guy.

      I’ve always felt somewhat guilty forcing our dogs to fit into our lives. But I look at the opposite and see “crazy dog lady,” (or Best in Show…OMG) and that doesn’t work either.

      Thanks for pointing out that what our guys (and girls…Dixie, Sara, Laurie) wanted most in the world is to be with us. Even food tends to be second, which is a little crazy if you’re born a dog.

      Thanks for pointing out the issue with notifications. I should fix that.

      I’m a WordPress developer, which means my personal/creative blog gets neglected. When I finally decided to move the blog off WordPress.com I failed to change the feed for MailChimp. I also intentionally omitted Jetpack over here on the new site (which you need for WordPress follower notifications). Either way, I’m pretty sure that after my last post that said I’m moving, no one got notified of anything.

      I’ll see if I can at least fix the MailChimp RSS thingie before too much longer.

      Reply

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